3 Squirrelly Boys… Front Row at Church, Baby!?!

If any of you suddenly just felt terrified for me as you read that title, you are my people, and I am yours! 

But it WASN’T terrifying this time, and that’s what I’ve been thinking about for the past couple of days…

(Spoiler alert–it’s not because the boys were perfectly behaved either!)

I’m not sure why it is in so many things, and especially in parenting, that we think we have to know how to get it right perfectly right from the get-go? Why do we put that pressure on ourselves? I remember those days vividly when our oldest was little. I mean, I’m a pediatrician, right? I know it all! This is going to be a breeze! HA! And then the color of his hair grew in… fiery red!? (For all of you redheads out there, please know we LOVE you! AND, I’ve never yet met a redhead who didn’t have a bit of spunk or fire in them!) Right from the start we knew he was a leader. Have you ever heard those words spoken about your child? All the euphemisms–“spirited”, “full of energy,” “so creative,” “always thinking of something new”? They are all true words and descriptions, but sometimes you can just tell the speaker is really trying to communicate something else!

Anyway, we knew right away, even with all the head knowledge I had, this one was going to keep us on our knees, constantly seeking wisdom.  Fast forward 4 years, and here came another unique boy with his own challenges–and more feelings of “I don’t know how to do this.”  Then 20mos later, boy #3–who unlike our other two, was born with hair right away…and guess what color?!  Yep, redhead #2–perhaps even feistier than #1!   

Those are fun ways to describe our unique three boys, and yet, along the way, it didn’t always feel that fun.  I remember so many times early on, just feeling EXHAUSTED, and overwhelmed with trying to “make them” behave or do the right thing, or fit into the mold we were trying to live in.  I remember seeing other families with kids who sat so still and quiet, listening intently in church, or came right away when their parents called them and told them it was time to leave the park.  I remember realizing there were families who could get to places on time…or even EARLY!?! How was that even possible?? And I remember feeling so much pressure… (which as I look back with my now 50 year old eyes, I realize was likely mostly self-inflicted!)

I’m going to fast forward to this past Sunday, and then I’ll go back to unpack how we were so blessed to get to this place.  Last Sunday was the first weekend back home after several weekends in a row ending our glorious summer at our cabin, which meant we had not physically been to church in maybe a month–only instead listening to church on the way home from the cabin (one wonderful benefit that has come from all these COVID related changes–church being recorded and viewable later!)  I’ll back up and say, I do think our boys love the Lord on some level—different for each one of them.  They know He is real.  They have grown up with us going to church every week, talking about Him, reading about Him in His Word, and doing life with friends who love the Lord too (more on that later).  But that does not mean they jump out of bed, excited to get dressed in their best clothes and are in the car waiting for us 20 minutes before it’s time to go on Sunday mornings! And this morning was no different.  We were out of practice going to church.  And all Christians know that Sundays are PRIME times for crazy arguments and raised voices trying to get a bunch of sinners in need of grace out the door, into the car, and headed to church on time! It may be ugly along the way, but we are going to get there! 

To make it even harder, there was the threat of rain.  Our church, thankfully during COVID, has had the second service outside whenever the weather is nice.  It is a beautiful setting, right on a lake, so peaceful and fun, with lots of room to spread out on the lawn–perfect for our 3 squirrelly boys! But because of the possibility of rain in the forecast, the service had to be pushed inside.  And because mom is a pediatrician, and because our two youngest boys are not yet eligible for the vaccine, I made them wear masks–which they understood and wore willingly, but because our church is beautifully growing and bursting at the seams in our quickly-becoming-tiny sanctuary, it was hot!  One more reason for them to be uncomfortable and mad at mom and dad. Oh, and by the way, there is a lunch after service that we are staying for… “MOM!?!”  So…it was in that setting that we walked inside the doors of our beloved church…late, of course…and guess which seats were open??  

FRONT ROW, baby!! So, we filed in… during the middle of announcements…and we even realized that there weren’t enough seats when we got up there, so they would have to share… 

But we are blessed.  And we are loved.  We have spent years building communion and beautiful friendships with other believers who want nothing more than to love and worship Christ, and to love and build up each other!  So many of these friends go to our same church with us now.  Some of our church friends and our pastor here are new in our lives.  But we have quickly gotten to know him too.  And he loves us, and he loves our boys…JUST AS CHRIST loves us–in all of our imperfections!  So, when our worship leader’s wife–also our friend–saw there weren’t enough seats, she whispered, “move our things, you can sit in our seats,” we felt loved and accepted.  And when our middle son, who is on the autism spectrum, and can’t always stay in one place for a long time, and sometimes just needs to sit on the floor to work on his 500 count Dot to Dot book while he listens, did just that, we let him.  And when our two reds, who both also have ADHD, sat in their seats and pulled out whatever they had brought in their bags to keep their hands busy so their brains could listen quietly, we let them.  And when our youngest just couldn’t stay in his seat, but instead had to lay down on the floor to read his book, we let him…ALL IN THE FRONT ROW!  EXPOSED!

And it wasn’t terrifying…or horrifying…it was glorious!  You know why?  Because Mommy & Daddy got to worship our hearts out!  Because Mommy & Daddy NEEDED to worship our hearts out–to sing at the top of our lungs, to raise up our arms and to feel God’s presence in the midst of His family and to know we are loved and KNOWN by Him and by our church family.  We NEEDED to be present to hear about and share in the things–good and terrible and hard–that are going on with our church family.  We NEEDED to gather and be built up in order to be sent out again for the week–whether that is across the sea to another country or back into our office spaces or our clinics or our schools!  It’s what our family does.  It’s what our family needs.  We are thankful that although our boys may kick and scream–either literally or figuratively–every week, deep down they know, and they are also comforted in knowing that the Weis family is loved.  This is what we do on Sundays and through the week.  We live in communion with our friends and family, building each other up and encouraging each other along the way. 

So, this is my prayer and my invitation to you.  If the idea of the front row at church–all exposed with less than perfect children in tow is terrifying to you, I am your people!  And I pray that you can find other people locally in your life to also be your people. 

That’s what we did along the way.  We found people we could be imperfect with… together.  When the boys were little, I wrangled them into the car–no matter how ugly the process was, or how late we were when we finally got to the Tuesday morning playdate at the park.  And when they went off to play, I cried with the women who had already been through that stage.  I sought their wisdom and their “tricks”, which weren’t really tricks–just lots of trial and error and prayer and vulnerability–willingness to open ourselves up to each other, admitting imperfection and striving to learn more together.  Instead of getting together with other families for dinner–the hardest part of the day with squirrelly boys and exhausted parents, we realized breakfast/brunch was an easier time to be together–and we wore our pajamas to each other’s houses and we laughed hysterically when the “fancy” egg bake and monkey bread I was trying to “impress them with” caused the smoke alarm to go off and wasn’t really done all the way through by the time we had to eat!?  But we stayed and we weren’t satisfied with small talk.  We asked hard questions and we listened intently, and we texted and prayed throughout the week to let each other know we remembered.  When hard or life changing things happened like surgeries or new babies, or new diagnoses, we brought food, and we did awkward things for each other when we were otherwise helpless in doing them for ourselves (think emptying “pee jars” after surgery!) We didn’t shy away, we moved in closer.  And when the kids got older, we got babysitters and had date nights together, or the moms went on long walks together or the men met for long lunches together or did manly things together (you know, like paintball, or bonfires or cooking bacon together at retreats–so much bacon!?!) 

Little by little, vulnerable moment by vulnerable imperfect moment, we knit our lives and our hearts together, so that one Sunday morning, we could walk into church late, and not just feel ok about sitting in the front row, exposed, but truly feel loved and blessed as we sat there!  Don’t get me wrong, we WILL keep leading and training and shepherding and praying for our boys–with the help of our friends, and our pastors, and our church family as we continue to do life together.  And I KNOW, that when that day comes, when our boys are sitting up straight, belting out the worship songs, or even getting up to be a reader, or to play in the band, or to shout out an announcement about a future youth event, ALL of those friends and pastors, and church family members will rejoice with us, as they see and wonder at what Christ is doing in our boys’ lives & hearts!!  

So, I beg you, friend…take a scary step today.  Invite someone into your messy, imperfect house to play together.  You won’t regret it, I promise. 

Hebrews 10:24-25 “And let us consider how to stir one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

Romans 5:8 “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

John 13:34-35 “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

*pic obviously from one of the beautiful outdoor services…even I wasn’t brave enough to take a pic of the front row inside scene! 😉