To Be Known and Loved…

A quiet afternoon, sitting around a table, sharing a meal together, sunlight streaming in–an uplifting, refreshing change after a string of gray days–stories, tears, laughter and fill the room…

So much comfort in being able to “just be” in the presence of those who truly know and can understand what you are going through.  “Your people” you may call them.  Those friends or loved ones who allow you the safety to share the deep dark, scary fears of your life.  The ones who have been there and “get it” without you having to go through all the pain of telling the whole story, but they truly listen if today you did want to go through all the details.  They would you and you and experience the pain and fears with you.  They don’t shy away from hard realities.  They don’t judge… many times because they can picture similar instances from their own stories.  And when the timing is right, they also are the ones who love you enough to speak truth to you…To lead you back to where you know there is hope.  

I am grateful to have these beautiful people in my life right now!

I have been feeling, seeing, hearing, reading, and noticing this common theme lately.  No matter what the situation…if you are a Super Mom (a.k.a. “special mom”—mom of a special needs child), struggling to find your way in the unexpected and often times unimaginable drama of your life; or you are grieving a recent loss of a loved one–or a not so recent loss by the world’s timeline, but made fresh again to you because of an anniversary; or you are drowning in the midst of depression or anxiety and you feel yourself isolating not having the courage to speak up to ask for help; or you are feeling the pain and loneliness in a marriage crumbling right before your eyes; or you are a child or teen being bullied—in real life, or worse in “cyberlife”–and the pain feels inescapable, causing you to have thoughts of wanting to end your own life…

All of us, all these souls, ache for the same thing…to be and .  To be and truly .  To be and , despite our feelings of inadequacy or failure or despair.  The power of having someone truly pause, taking time out of their own life, to listen…to work to understand, to validate your worth.  This is a healing balm, an uplifting relief, a ray of hope. 

There is a saying in the anti-bullying movement, “the power of one.”  There are incredible statistics supporting the power of having one good friend who knows you and supports you.  One good friend literally reduces the amount of bullying any kid may receive, and/or lessens the effects bullying may have on them if it does occur—just by having one good friend who knows them and supports them.  Isn’t that what we all want/need?  One good friend…

I am incredibly blessed to have several friends who I can call “my people.”  Those moms who can gather around for quiet afternoons or evenings like the time I described at the beginning of this post. 

I am deeply aware that not everyone has this type of support.  Early on when we were discovering the differences we were facing with our kids, we didn’t always have those we could come to or those we felt safe opening up to.  Not everyone felt comfortable talking about these things or admitting their helplessness, or even possibly shame that they felt.  It made for some lonely & isolating times.

Loneliness tends to breed further isolation…isolation can lead to doubt and fear and despair…

Lately, as I have been feeling, seeing, hearing, reading, and noticing this common theme of wanting to be known and loved…I have heard and realized two very important lessons and truths.

One…if you don’t have a friend like this, the best way to make that happen is to BE A FRIEND LIKE THIS!  As I’m writing this, it is two days before Thanksgiving…”the holidays”…often a wonderful cherished season, but sometimes a heavy, dreaded time for many who are feeling this loneliness and these extra burdens this time of year, which may be on top of some of those situations I’ve already described.  It takes effort and courage and our own open eyes to be able to and those around us.  But, if we are willing to use our own experiences of needing to feel known and loved, we can willingly look for moments to be that friend…to offer a welcoming smile, to speak a genuine encouraging word, “That must be really hard.  I know what you are going through.  How can I help make things a little brighter this year?  Can I call you in a couple of days to make sure you are doing ok?  Could I bring you some dinner later this week to lighten your load?”  In doing these things with a completely genuine and open heart, we can feel the joy of helping someone else, which in turn takes the focus off our own struggles and despair, even if only for a little while.  And it also develops connection, which can later be built upon, as you listen further and eventually share a bit yourself.  And pretty soon, if it continues to feel safe, you realize you do actually have “your people!” And the next time you are feeling yourself turn inward and Satan is tempting you to isolate and despair, you can call on these beloved friends to help you live out the truth of {one of the devil’s tactics—twisting the truth, causing you to doubt}and

We need to have “our people” to remind each other of the final, most important truth.  Even when we are feeling completely alone, when we feel we have come to the end of ourselves, when we have nothing left to give and no one left to turn to, we are truly NEVER alone.  The God of our universe, Christ who created us and came to us, us, us, us, and us, as He remains in us! 

There is a famous story of someone asking a well-known theologian, “What is the deepest most profound truth of God that you have learned in all your studies?”  He paused and smiled as he answered slowly, “

Just today, I heard a Christian music artist reflecting on this story.  She said, “I think the reverse of this statement is just as important to remember, ‘Jesus